Thank You!!

In the mist of my world I am evolving to be a self disciplined child of God. He is SO amazing to me its kinda ridiculous. =)

To God:

I love you so much! Thank you for everything that you have done for me. Thank you for knowing me better than I know my self and for sticking up to me when I was too weak to do it my self. Thank you for protecting me and thank you for blessing me. Please don't ever stop disciplining me because I refuse to be any where else but in your will.

I love you until the end of time....

Sick

I feel so sick to my stomach today =(! I got a lot on my mind and I think that's what's making feel ill. When I say I got a lot on my mind I mean a whole lot. Some things I don't need to be concerned about and some things I need to have complete faith in. It's like I know what I need to do but the thought of jumping into the unknown is scary and it's making me sick to my stomach. The only word that comes to me is God, which makes sense as he is the only one that can see me through this. The thought of knowing I can turn to Him and trust Him with my life gives me peace and comfort.

Faith Faith Faith Faith we all gotta have Faith. I must have faith today and give all my worries to Him, all my heartaches, stomachaches, and negativity to Him and Him alone. His promise will stand true today as it has always been, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." It's a battlefield of the mind and it's hard but SO WORTH IT!!

Fight the enemy off by all means and live the life you know you deserve today!!

Regrets

So I've been in school for quite some time. I slacked off big time after high school due to too much partying and laziness. Now I'm here at 25 years of age with a research paper due in a week and lots of classes in the years to come. I don't regret the partying I did, sure I wish my path then would have been different but it wasn't it and there is great reason for it, to tell you the truth I honestly don't regret it any of it. I meet lots of positive people in my past life and learned lots of valuable lessons that no one can teach you, lessons we have to learn from experience. I am in the perfect place in my life right now, I'm still in school but its OK. I do not have to prove to anyone that I can finish or that I can get good grades etc. I simply go to school to learn, grow, and experience. No matter what age you are or how long you have procrastinated go do what you have longed to do. It's your path and now is the time to get up and walk straight along the road less travel. Don't ever regret anything that has happened in your life, it happened for a reason, we all just gotta LEARN from what we experience and choose our paths and decisions wisely. Just because I say I do not regret my past does not mean I would recommend some of the things that I have done or said to anyone so they do can too "learn" the same lessons I learned. We all have our own paths and it's up to us to discover them.

Don't regret your past and give positive advise to those who ask and lead by example to those who don't ask.

I guess if I had to choose between happiness and money it would be happieness! The irony of it all is that I am a responsible person and need to pay my bills. I am stuck right now but I will dig myself a hole and get out because I see a bright light at the end of the tunnel =). Giving up is not an option and neither is settleing for unhappiness. I feel it in my heart that nothing but goodness in my future with financial stablity and happiness. I have faith in God and I know he is by my side, protecting me, loving me, and encourging me to fallow him cause only then will I be able to fully see my dreams come ture in its entireity.

I CAN NOT WAIT TO FULLY EXPRESS MYSELF AND CREATE

Movies

I love movies! The art of producing them to is very magical. Its like I am at two places at once. One can get so captivated by the emotion and scenary of the movie that you do nothing but fall in love with the characters and at times compare their lives to yours, which can be so positive. I have been with Netflix for about 2 years now and I absolutly adore it! Its was a complete dream when I sgined up! Not only can I rent up to 3 movies and a cheap price but I can also preview movies online and also watch them on my wonderful Dell laptop. I have to admit, some moives are very fake and not real at all. They jump too far over the line of turth and lose my interest quickly. I guess what I want to say is THANK YOU. Thank you to everyone involved in film making, when I say everyone I mean everyone =)

Girls

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!! OH GIRLS GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!! I gotta say I love my girls!! I love hanging out with them, talking to them, shopping with them, laughing with them, and just HAVING FUN with them!!!!!!! Ladies if you don't have any female friend you NEED some right away!! We are so much fun when we are all together!!!

Money

So recently a lot of unexpected finances have been fallowing me like balloons that won't float up or pop. A couple thousand here a few hundred there its really stressful at times 8-). Right when we (me and my boyfriend) have a lump some of money saved up something always comes up and it vanishes out of our bank accounts: so not ideal! Good thing is i just cleared up my credit and paid off some fines, we only have about $700 left or so after 03/31 to check off then we can start saving for Jesse to get a car. After we will save to get a place. It seems like we will never get our own place at the rate we are going but i know we will, i just gotta have patience. One step at a time, its not like we aren't taking care of things. This past check i spent like crazy cause I was so stressed at saving then paying off a bill or having an unexpected expense so I said fuck it I'm spending :---). Not the smartest thing to do right? Ya i know, we will start saving again 04/15. I would say 03/31 but i got my car, phone, and insurance, which calculates to $1,016. With all this said I realized the other day that its life that is important not money. I enjoy life and what it has to offer regardless of my financial status and we all have to remember that. I only have a couple hundred dollars to my name at the moment but i choose to be happy, live my life, and enjoy my precious moments.

Family

I had a fun filled day with my family today! it was, my boyfriend, my mom, 2 brothers their wife's,and my niece. We all went to my moms house and she mad Puerto Rican caldo soup which is so very delicious. It was very fulfilling to be around them as they are literally the only family i have out here in Cali and considering I live about 30-60 minutes away from all of them so I don't see them as much. I felt kinda sad to leave cause I know it will probably be weeks before i see them again but i know they are all doing well and they all have love in their lives so i am happy for that!

Love the family you got and don't be afraid to allow friends into your circle of love as they can easily fall into your own little family of love =)

Change

This week has been crazy and i think its because its time for change. It seems as if my body and soul knows it has a road to fallow and that road is going straight yet im steering to the left. Its a leap in the unknown and that's what scares me, i know it will be for the best because God will be with me but somehow i am stuck. I've been doing a lot of thinking and i came to a conclusion, no more being afraid and time to take action. I must do my part to fulfill my dreams and create the world I long for. Every single step counts and i will be proud of even the slightest change I do at becoming a better me. Being a better me brings out the best in you. I can not fully love others until i love myself and its hard to fully love myself if I am not where I know i need to be. As of right now I fully love myself as I know I will continue to fight through my cracked heart and change where I know i need to in every moment that passes and I plan to keep it this way.

Walking Far

There are some things that are clear and some things that I have to prowl through, pound on and love with. I'm reading a very and when I say very i mean very interesting book that keeps me refreshed and one. I know now that my road is and always has been mine. Mine to love give learn grow live laugh work listen practice teach believe do allow fulfill fallow lead rest clean like adore keep free help accomplish push...and that's not even a glimpse